Honesty Really is a Lonely Word

“Honesty is such a lonely word. Everyone is so untrue.” This is a line from Billy Joel’s haunting song “Honesty.” I often wonder why honesty is so difficult for so many people. I am not speaking about people we consider to be “evil” or “bad.” I have seen good people lie for all sorts of reasons. People lie to avoid hurting another person. People lie to protect another person or themselves. People lie to others because they lie to themselves. Lying provides a way for people to escape distress. The truth can be very difficult sometimes and it can cause us or people whom we love a lot of pain. It is human nature to want to avoid pain; therefore, by extension, can we not conclude that lying may also be a part of human nature?

Scripture has much to say about human nature and, unfortunately, it is not always very good. In Psalm 14:3 it says, “there is none who does good, not even one.” By good, of course, King David is referring to good as God sees it, not as we see it. According to Isaiah the prophet, our idea of righteousness does not even come near what God considers to be righteous, “All of us are like someone unclean, all our righteous deeds like filthy rags” (Isaiah 64:6). Over and over, the prophets of old speak about how we as humans are constantly going astray, or wandering off the path, or turning from God in our sins. We must unfortunately face the hard truth that humans are flawed beings and will commit sins that include dishonesty.

Does this mean we are not responsible for lying? If lying is part of human nature, then are we to simply accept when someone lies to us? NO! We are all responsible for our actions. We may be prone to lying, but scripture also tells us that we can choose another path. In Philippians 4:8-9, the apostle Paul instructs the congregation to actively choose to focus their thoughts on that which is “true, noble, righteous, pure, loveable, or admirable, on some virtue or on something praiseworthy.” In other words, he was telling everyone that because human nature tends to lead us astray, we are to actively guard our minds by directing our thoughts and actions towards that which promotes honesty and integrity. It is not always easy, but it is essential.

Let me share something I have learned in both my professional life and my personal life. The truth always comes out, even if it takes a while. This concept is not new. The prophets of old knew this centuries ago. In proverbs 10: 9 we are warned, “He who walks purely walks securely, but he who walks in crooked ways will be found out.”  If you learn nothing else from reading this, please pay very close attention to what I am about to say. Hiding the truth is not protecting anyone from anything. It actually compounds the distress. Hiding the truth creates within the withholder feelings of anxiety and guilt as they constantly strive to maintain the falsehood. It can create distance between people, because the one withholding the truth avoids loved ones to keep the secret. The one from whom the truth is withheld inevitably starts to feel the distance and may become anxious or depressed, wondering what the problem is. Then when the truth inevitably rears its head, the pain is compounded in the one being lied to by feelings of deep hurt, betrayal and anger. Basically, the withholder of truth is taking an unpleasant situation and making it into the most devastating reality to the one finding out the truth in a very sometimes traumatic fashion. Your lie could possibly turn into a relationship ender.

If you have lied or are currently in the process of withholding information, redemption is still available to you, but you must take responsibility for what you have done. If you are remorseful and confess that you have done wrong, God will forgive you. He searches the mind and the heart and knows if your remorse is genuine. The book of 1 John says, “If we acknowledge our sins, then, since He is trustworthy and just, He will forgive them” (1:9). Yes, God will forgive you; however, more than just a verbal confession is required. He requires actions. He requires us to turn from the sin and not repeat it. Furthermore, our loved ones may need a lot more time to forgive and trust again. Tell the truth, no matter how difficult it may be, and be consistently honest. Remember, lies by omission are still lies.

Finally, to those who have been the victim of dishonesty, I encourage you to try and stay your anger. For it says in Romans 3:23, “All have sinned and come short of earning God’s praise.” As stated earlier, humans are flawed and prone to make mistakes, sometimes huge ones. Most people do not purposely try and hurt those whom they love. In their distorted attempt to avoid spreading pain to those whom they love, they hide what they see as a very painful truth. I am not justifying nor am I condoning this. I am simply trying to impress upon you that all of us have messed up royally in our lives at one time or another. You are justified in your anger, but God wants you to forgive as He forgives you. If you are having difficulty forgiving, then seek help, either through therapy or even with a prayer partner. Do not give any more power to this lie than has already been given. Take away its power by forgiving. Remember, love covers a multitude of sins. God bless.