To the Main Worrier in my Life:

I used to be quite the worrier. If there was nothing to worry about, you can bet I would find something. It was as if the state of perpetual worry was normal and, if I was not worried, I felt a sense of impending doom, like the proverbial shoe was about to drop. I could never just enjoy the moment or embrace a state of peace, because I felt as if I needed to constantly be prepared for something bad to happen. Then, a few years ago, I realized why. It was because of my upbringing. In my home, I was indirectly taught that if you love someone, you are supposed to worry about that person and, if you were not worrying about the person, then your love was not strong enough or you were somehow neglectful.

This way of thinking stayed with me long after my children were born. I became a helicopter mother or, what I call a “smother”. Here is an example of my smothering. When my kids started pre-school, I could never just drop them off and go home. The preschool was about 25 minutes from my home. I catastrophized about all the things that could happen that would make me late picking them up from school. I pictured them traumatized, crying in the classroom wondering where I was. So, I hung around and tried my best to kill 3 hours. When I think about all the things I could have gotten done at home instead of wasting my time meandering around the kids’ pre-school, I could really kick myself.

Even when there is something to legitimately worry about, I still find no utility in it. I have decided to make a conscious decision to maintain hope instead of ruminating on all of the horrible things that could happen. This does not mean that I am oblivious to the things that can go wrong or that I am in some type of denial. I just choose to put my faith in God and trust that He will take care of the situation and make it turn out to the benefit of those whom I love. I choose to let my faith overpower my fear.

I have a family member, who will remain nameless, who also has great faith; however, I think reminders are needed from time to time. This person tends to call me and speak over and over about the same worries and fears, expecting me to somehow either comfort her or be dragged down into the worry pit with her. Well, if she is reading this (and I venture to guess that she knows this is directed towards her), I would like to say my days of talking and talking and talking about things are over. I now choose to pray about it. Talking and worrying about it constantly do not solve the problem. If anything, they compound the problem, because after a conversation like the ones we have had many times, the problems still exist and then I feel ten times worse. I love you, but I cannot allow that anymore. We can talk, but we will not ruminate on the bad. We will trust the promises God makes to us.

Remember it says in Psalm 55:22, “Unload your burden on Adonai and He will sustain you.” Do you not believe Him? Well, if you do not, I will believe Him for the both of us. I can do nothing in my own strength. I will not lean on my own understanding (Proverbs 3:5-6). Instead of worrying, I will remain focused on the fact that the Lord has plans for a future and a purpose for the ones about whom you are worried (Jeremiah 29:11). Even when fear starts to rise up in me, I will remain focused on His promise that He is our God and He will strengthen us with His righteous right hand (Isaiah 41:10). When will you allow your faith to overpower your fear? I just want you to know that I love you and everyone else in my life and just because I do not want to crawl into the worry pit with you does not mean that I love you, or anyone else, any less. It just means that I trust in God more than I fear the future. I hope you understand and crawl out of the pit. We all know you love us just the same.