The Power of Hope

“’For I know what plans I have in mind for you,’ says Adonai, ‘plans for well-being, not for bad things; so that you can have hope and a future.’” That verse is Jeremiah 29:11, which is one of my favorite scriptures. It always reminds me of the power that hope brings into our lives. Hope is trusting in, waiting for, and expecting good things and positive change to happen. Hope is the driving force that allows us to weather the darkest storms in our lives. In the midst of that darkness, when all seems bleak, we can hold on to hope and that hope is like a life preserver in a tumultuous sea of anguish.

I have seen the power of hope, both in my personal life and my professional life. I have personally experienced some pretty distressing times in my life. There were times when I could not find hope. However, God faithfully showed Himself in those situations and they inevitably turned for the better, even if I did not see it right away. I have learned that life is about moments; some will be good, some will be mundane, and some will be bad. When things are good, I have learned to stay in the moment and savor every second. When things are mundane, I try to keep my eyes fixed on what matters in life and I look for the beauty in each day. When things are bad, I have learned to leave the door open for hope and that helps me remember that the bad moment will eventually pass, even if it takes a while.

In the oncology world, we treating professionals live by the principle that we shall never take away a patient’s hope. Hope is the fuel of the soul. Hope in even the small victories can make the difference between allowing your diagnosis to define your existence and learning to find joy, even in the darkest of times. Whether it is hope for a cure or just hope that tomorrow you will feel well enough to enjoy the day, that hope allows you to continue pressing forward. It allows you to continue to live life and not simply exist until you die.

Job is a good example of someone who suffered much loss and physical affliction, yet, in his despair, he still maintained his hope. “Though He slay me, I will hope in Him yet” (Job 13:15). There were moments in his suffering that Job complained, cried out in his anger, and despaired, but it was His hope that ultimately pulled him through the ordeal and he was abundantly blessed when the ordeal ended. He had every reason to give up and just exist until he died, but he had the hope for something better and the turn around eventually came for him.

Hope is a guiding principle in my therapy work as well. The first thing I try to impart to my clients is  there is always hope that things will get better. I have a client, whom I will call Carol. When Carol first came to me, she felt as if her life was a complete mess. Her marriage was in trouble. She hated her job. Her kids were having major issues. She felt such despair and anguish because she felt as if her life had no meaning or purpose. After she finished sharing with me, through tears, what brought her to my office, my response was, “I am so happy for you!” After she looked at me with puzzlement on her face, I explained that I was happy for her, because it will only get better from here. I provided her with the beacon of hope that she needed to motivate her to trust in, wait for, and expect that positive change was indeed coming.

Hope, to me, is the most essential component for healing, mentally, physically, and spiritually. Hope is a decision, a decision that you will not believe that the turmoil with which you may be presently dealing is a permanent state of being for you. It is a decision to remind yourself that every problem has a solution, even if it takes a while to find. It is a decision that you will not always feel as badly as you do right now. It is a decision to look for joy, even in the midst of pain. It is the decision to trust in, wait for, and expect that things will get better. Hope for minor victories and hope for huge triumphs. Hope that no matter what adversity you face, God will turn the situation for your benefit and you will become a better version of yourself. Make the decision, right now, to leave the door open for the power of hope. God bless!

Agree to Disagree!

Boy, this has been one ugly election season, has it not? Do not worry; I have no intention of talking about politics. I am simply bringing this up because a lot of craziness has occurred during the campaign season. Friends have turned against one another. Family members have been at odds. Fellow citizens feel as if they are each other’s enemies. We have all had moments of anger, frustration, fear, and maybe even some rage. Now that the election is behind us, I am hopeful that we can all settle down and return to some type of homeostasis.

One thing I have noticed is that people have been unable to disagree with civility. Take good old Facebook for example. I have had to “unfriend” some people, not because they disagreed with me, but because they started to attack me personally. I will tell you right now, I will never put up with that. I do not to it to others and I deserve the same courtesy. People have been so passionate about their views and when someone disagrees with them, they take it personally. Once that happens, the anger comes and all rationality flies out the window.

Personalization is a type of cognitive distortion that causes undue anger, resentment and hurt. We must learn to agree to disagree in order to maintain our relationships. If someone happens to disagree with you, try not to take it as a personal affront. The beautiful thing about all of us is that God made each and every one of us uniquely. Let us accept that not everyone will think the same in every situation. In Ecclesiastes 7:9, it says, “Don’t be quick to get angry, for only fools nurse anger.” If you take things personally every time some one does not agree with your point of view, you are going to walk around in constant anger. Anger is poison to your soul.

Here is another little piece of advice. This is a mantra I share often with my clients. You do not have to attend every argument to which you are invited! Do not allow yourself to get sucked into the vortex of quarrel and hostility. I have seen many people get into a full brawl that started over minor issues. I have felt my very blood boil when I have allowed myself to engage in what amounted to be stupid and petty arguments. Folks, life is too short for that stuff.  As it says in 2 Timothy 2:23-24, “but stay away from stupid and ignorant controversies-you know they lead to fights.” I for one do not want to spend my precious time on this earth with my loved ones fighting and being angry.

Sometimes we have people in our lives that constantly want to fight and/or who are always angry at something or someone. For whatever reason, they constantly find something about which to be angry and they lash out at whomever is closest. They try to bait you into an argument. The aforementioned mantra is great for people like this. Do not get sucked into their vortex. Decline that invitation to fight. The anger they carry probably has nothing to do with you, so do not own it for yourself.

Finally, I like to say that words like “right” or “wrong” should be thrown out entirely. There does not always have to be a right one or a wrong one. It is simply a difference in perspective. If you resist personalizing and actually try to understand the other's point of view, you may actually learn a thing or two. Stay that pride. Pride can lead you into an angry place. “Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice” (Proverbs 13:10). So the moral of the story and the lesson to be learned is that we all must master the art of agreeing to disagree. Stop taking everything so personally and learn to try and understand another’s perspective. You do not have to agree with it, but that does not mean the other is wrong. How boring would life be if we all agreed with each other all the time? God bless!