Agree to Disagree!

Boy, this has been one ugly election season, has it not? Do not worry; I have no intention of talking about politics. I am simply bringing this up because a lot of craziness has occurred during the campaign season. Friends have turned against one another. Family members have been at odds. Fellow citizens feel as if they are each other’s enemies. We have all had moments of anger, frustration, fear, and maybe even some rage. Now that the election is behind us, I am hopeful that we can all settle down and return to some type of homeostasis.

One thing I have noticed is that people have been unable to disagree with civility. Take good old Facebook for example. I have had to “unfriend” some people, not because they disagreed with me, but because they started to attack me personally. I will tell you right now, I will never put up with that. I do not to it to others and I deserve the same courtesy. People have been so passionate about their views and when someone disagrees with them, they take it personally. Once that happens, the anger comes and all rationality flies out the window.

Personalization is a type of cognitive distortion that causes undue anger, resentment and hurt. We must learn to agree to disagree in order to maintain our relationships. If someone happens to disagree with you, try not to take it as a personal affront. The beautiful thing about all of us is that God made each and every one of us uniquely. Let us accept that not everyone will think the same in every situation. In Ecclesiastes 7:9, it says, “Don’t be quick to get angry, for only fools nurse anger.” If you take things personally every time some one does not agree with your point of view, you are going to walk around in constant anger. Anger is poison to your soul.

Here is another little piece of advice. This is a mantra I share often with my clients. You do not have to attend every argument to which you are invited! Do not allow yourself to get sucked into the vortex of quarrel and hostility. I have seen many people get into a full brawl that started over minor issues. I have felt my very blood boil when I have allowed myself to engage in what amounted to be stupid and petty arguments. Folks, life is too short for that stuff.  As it says in 2 Timothy 2:23-24, “but stay away from stupid and ignorant controversies-you know they lead to fights.” I for one do not want to spend my precious time on this earth with my loved ones fighting and being angry.

Sometimes we have people in our lives that constantly want to fight and/or who are always angry at something or someone. For whatever reason, they constantly find something about which to be angry and they lash out at whomever is closest. They try to bait you into an argument. The aforementioned mantra is great for people like this. Do not get sucked into their vortex. Decline that invitation to fight. The anger they carry probably has nothing to do with you, so do not own it for yourself.

Finally, I like to say that words like “right” or “wrong” should be thrown out entirely. There does not always have to be a right one or a wrong one. It is simply a difference in perspective. If you resist personalizing and actually try to understand the other's point of view, you may actually learn a thing or two. Stay that pride. Pride can lead you into an angry place. “Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice” (Proverbs 13:10). So the moral of the story and the lesson to be learned is that we all must master the art of agreeing to disagree. Stop taking everything so personally and learn to try and understand another’s perspective. You do not have to agree with it, but that does not mean the other is wrong. How boring would life be if we all agreed with each other all the time? God bless!