Perception is Truth

I was thinking about the time I was a camp counselor at a day camp. It was the summer I turned 17. My teen years were wrought with insecurities. I battled acne, both on my face and my back. I was so embarrassed about it. I had long hair so I was always careful to make sure my hair covered my back. Anyway, most days, a friend of mine named Leah, who was also a counselor, and I would lie by the pool during our breaks. I felt like a hag next to her. She was tall and very exotic looking. All of the guys at the camp drooled over her, but she was very nice.

When I first started at the camp, I met Jen. She was bubbly, funny, and smart and everyone at the camp knew and liked her. I admired her. I really wanted to get to know her, because she was just one of those people you liked to be around because she always made you laugh. We eventually became really good friends. One day, she shared with me that when she first met me, she was so jealous of me. She told me she would see Leah and me lying by the pool, with our “perfect bodies and gorgeous hair and faces” and she wanted to hate me. She said that once she got to know me, she could not hate me. I was blown away! There I was feeling awkward and ugly, admiring Jen and wanting to be her friend and, all the while, Jen was thinking I was some hottie that all the guys wanted to date. She thought that I would never want to be friends with her because she thought I thought I was in a different league than her. Her perception of me initially and my perception of myself were very, very different.

I share this story because I want to address the perceptions people form of one another. Often, the perceptions are based on whom a person thinks the other is and not necessarily on whom the person actually is. I think it is human nature to form opinions of others based on what we see. I have been guilty of this myself. One time, my family and I went to a popular quick serve restaurant and the young man at the counter had those earlobe gaugers in his ears. I first thought to myself, “Man, that is gross.” Then I made all kinds of unfair judgments about what the kid must be like; however, I immediately felt convicted after he spoke. He was a very articulate and polite young man. He did not seem like a loser or a derelict, as I , and I am embarrassed to admit, believed him to be.

We can also judge people in a more positive light than they may deserve. Just because someone is attractive on the outside does not mean they have a good heart or a good nature. In 1 Samuel 16:7, Samuel was looking for God’s anointed one to rule over Israel. He saw a very tall, strapping man and thought he must surely be the one. Then God told him, “Don’t pay attention to how he looks or how tall he is, because I have rejected him. Adonai doesn’t see the way humans see-humans look at the outward appearance, but Adonai looks at the heart.” Who a person is on the inside always shines forth, whether good or bad, but if the one perceiving has formed an opinion based on his or her own biases and judgments, the true essence of a person can be missed.

I have a client who struggled with feelings of hurt and rejection because some of her coworkers treated her badly. She could not understand why they disliked her so, because they really did not know her or had any extensive conversations with her. One day, she shared her feelings with me as tears welled up in her eyes. I told her not to take this behavior personally, because it was not her whom they disliked. After all, my client  is a beautiful person, from the inside out, and she is a positive person whom many people love and admire. The person they disliked is the person they invented her to be, for whatever reason. Perhaps they were jealous because my client  has had a lot of good fortune come to her. She had just gotten engaged and had a beautiful engagement ring. Perhaps they were intimidated by her, because she is also very intelligent. Whatever the reason, they concocted  some fictitious narrative of who my client is so they can justify in their minds their despicable behavior. After all, how can you not like someone you do not even know?

So, what then is the moral of the story? It is not simply the old adage, “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” The lesson to take from this is that perception is our truth. How we perceive things becomes our reality. For me, I never want to feel convicted like I did that day in the restaurant. Before you make a judgment about a person, at least take the time to get to know him or her first. You may find that person is not at all who you thought that person was. By taking the time to get to know a person’s heart, you may either find a person whom you respect and admire, or you may realize the person is not someone you want in your life after all. Do not let perception be your truth. Let reality be your truth. God bless!

Know your W.O.R.T.H. (Women, Overcoming, Rotten, Thinking, Hallelujah) in GOD!