Blessed Are Those Who Mourn

I felt moved to speak about grief and mourning. These are part of the human experience. Just as we are to experience joy, happiness and laughter, we are also fated to experience sadness, grief and mourning. This is not something to fear, nor is it something over which we have any control. Everything has a purpose in this life, even the pain caused by loss. The pain of loss makes us grow stronger. It helps us to focus on what really matters in life and it makes us appreciate the good in our lives all the more.

The grief and mourning are a result of loss. Loss comes in many forms. One form of loss is the physical death of someone we love. Part of my job as an oncology social worker is counseling the loved ones of our terminally ill patients or loved ones of patients who have passed. I support them in their pain. I explain that I do not have any magic words that will take the pain from them, although I would speak them if I had them. I help them to sit in their grief and understand that grief never really disappears completely; it becomes a constant companion. At times, that companion is ever present and, other times, it is a mere background figure. I try to help them accept that grief is a journey and there is no way around it. You must go through it. I try to reassure them that with time and faith, they will come to a place of acceptance and they will find a new normal in which joy can be felt once again. In Psalm 34:19 it says, “Adonai is near to those with broken hearts; he saves those whose spirit is crushed.” I find great comfort in these words.

Loss can also come when a life changing event occurs. When a traumatic event befalls someone, so much which is not of the physical is lost. One can feel the loss of a sense of self. One can feel the loss of the life he or she once knew. One can feel the loss of innocence, of purity, of security, of ability, of normalcy and of happiness. When I counsel clients who have experienced the loss of a marriage, their feelings of grief are every bit as strong as if they had lost a loved one to a physical death. Divorce can make people feel so isolated and empty. Often, one’s very identity may be wrapped up in being a spouse and when that is taken away, especially if it was not by choice, that person can struggle with finding a sense of who he or she is again. They also may struggle with trying to figure out how they can ever feel safe and secure again, as financial difficulties arise. Another loss they may experience is the loss of status, as they may lose friends in the divorce.

Divorce is but one example of a traumatic event that sparks feelings of loss. Other examples include, but are not limited to, a job loss, retirement, diagnosis of a serious illness, being the victim of a crime, experiencing infidelity or some other type of betrayal, experiencing a natural disaster, or being involved in a serious accident. The list is really endless.  All of these things cause some type of loss of what a person once new to be true. All of these things cause a loss of the sense of control we once felt over our lives. I have a news flash for you; control is an illusion.

So, what then do we do with all of this heavy information? Here is my take. I have come to an acceptance that, in life, there will be difficulties. I have experienced loss and I most certainly will again. There are not many certainties in life, but that is one we all can bank upon without question. How we choose to deal with loss can be within our control. For me, my faith in God is my lifeline. “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble,” as it says in Psalm 46:1-2. I know with absolute certainty that God will be my fortress, my Rock, my support and He will always be with me. I know His unfathomable love for me will carry me through the difficult times, as it has many times before in my life. His Word is as sweet as honey and as comforting as a mother’s arms when I am filled with despair. I know He will always use my pain for my good somehow, some way and that makes me feel so blessed to be a child of the Living God. I will close with this and may these simple words comfort you, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” (Matthew 5:4)