Change is Coming.

Why is change so hard? I have often heard that the hell you know is better than the hell you don’t know. That does not quite sit well with me though, because I am basically a positive person. That has such negative connotations. Change is scary, but change can be good too.

I often have clients come to me who realize they are “stuck” and are so unhappy, yet, week after week, they fail to implement steps towards changing their situation. It can really leave you scratching your head wondering why on earth they favor staying in their misery instead of putting in the effort to try for something better. I have a client, whom I will call Burt. Burt has been coming to me for several years now. For the longest time, he would complain about how empty his life was, how depressed he was and he would talk about changes he would like to make. Session after session, he was like a broken record. We discussed plans of action, but he rarely followed through with the actions. Only recently has he shown more effort and motivation, but it is progress nevertheless.

In Burt’s case, he became comfortable in his mental illness. He used it as a crutch. Rather than admitting that he may not have been putting forth the effort to improve his life, it was easier to simply blame his mental illness and stay stuck. Although he was not happy, his little safe “box” of a life is all he had known for so long. The prospect of something different scared him. Perhaps it was because he was afraid to fail. Perhaps it was because he was afraid more would be expected of him and he was scared to disappoint people. Whatever the reason, Burt was afraid to push himself outside of his comfort zone and try for real change in his life.

It is human nature to want to avoid distress and fear certainly breeds distress, but is it not just as distressing to remain in a situation that makes you miserable or that gives you no joy? Does it not take effort anyway to move from day to day, trying to survive the misery, only to stay in the same unhappy and dismal place? If you put forth effort to change your situation, sure, it may be hard. It may take a very long time, but at least you would have the hope of something better. When you feel stuck, hope is something not very easy to come by.

I myself am about to undergo a change. I am scared, but there is also an underlying excitement and hope for great things to come. My faith is a big part of why I can press forward, feel fear, but do it anyway. I also look to scripture for comfort. Isaiah 43:19 says, “I am doing something new; it’s springing up-can’t you see it?” How exciting! Another scripture that always comforts me and gives me tremendous hope for the future is Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know what plans I have in mind for you, ‘says Adonai, ‘plans for well-being, not for bad things; so that you can have hope and a future.” How awesome is that?

If you are reading this and you feel stuck and afraid to face change in your life, please take what I said to heart. I know it is scary to face the unknown. I know you may be afraid of failing or disappointing people, but please remember this. Success can never come without failure. Failure is just another opportunity to learn. As far as worrying about disappointing people, please stop. Those who love you unconditionally will love and support you no matter what. Reach out to them and accept their support as you take steps to change your life for the better. Do not be afraid. You have a purpose and God has big plans for you, you just have to make the decision to step outside of your comfort zone and do it afraid. You can do it! God bless.