Control: The Great Human Illusion

It is human nature to want to feel as if we are in control of everything in our lives. We want to feel in control of our finances, our safety, our successes, our health, and the list goes on. There may be nothing scarier than the vulnerability of feeling as if that sense of control is slipping away. So many spend every waking moment striving to hold on to that control. Some become completely ruled by the need to control their environments. Under the relentless pursuit of being in control lingers deep-seated fear. The very thing they think will make their lives more tolerable is the very thing that is destroying any feelings of joy and happiness.

I have some scary questions to pose. What if we never really had the control we thought we did? What if we are walking around as these vulnerable creatures who are deluding ourselves into believing we can control everything that happens to us or the people we love? What if we actually have control over very little in our lives? Here is another question; what if accepting that we have such little control actually frees us and lightens our burdens? See what I did there? I switched it on you!

Folks here is the truth. Control is a mere illusion. Don’t get me wrong, of course, there are some things within our control. We can control our behaviors. We can control what we eat. We can control when we go to bed, what we watch on TV, whom we allow to be our friends, etc. The things over which we have little control are the big picture things. Working in the oncology field has really taught me this lesson. I will never forget a patient I met a few years ago. She had just been diagnosed with pretty serious breast cancer and chemotherapy was recommended. She carried on about how she is a vegan and only eats organic foods. She refused to allow “that poison” (chemotherapy) into her body. The doctor went back and forth with her, trying to educate her about treatment guidelines and how the chemotherapy was proven to be effective in clinical trials. After several minutes of this, I interjected. I looked her straight in the eye and praised her for her excellent health habits. Then I said, “So you have gone to great lengths to control everything that has gone into your body. You did all the right things, but you still got cancer.” Her response was a few seconds of silence and then she quietly said, “You’re right.”

You see, her belief that she had control over her health by meticulously controlling what foods went into her body was all an illusion. I am sure that her lifestyle made her feel good and she was probably in generally good health, but there were factors beyond her control that led to her getting breast cancer. When she finally relented, it was because she finally accepted that reality. Once she came to that acceptance and let go of her illusion of control, it freed her to trust in her doctors and participate in her own treatment plan. The burden of believing that she had complete control over the functioning of her body was lifted.

That was but one example of how we are fooling ourselves into thinking absolute control is achievable. When we spend our lives constantly micromanaging and planning every detail, we are the ones who become controlled by our own faulty thinking. Some people fall into the trap of magical thinking. For example, the rituals of one who suffers from obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) are meant to give them a sense of control over their environment. However, what ends up happening is the rituals become all-encompassing and completely inhibit the person from living a normal life. The very thing this person believes will alleviate his or her anxiety is actually the main cause of his or her distress. The ultimate goal for a person like this is for him or her to come to an acceptance that he or she does not really have the control he or she thinks he or she has and then learn to cope with the feelings of vulnerability that brings. What people eventually realize is that while that vulnerability is uncomfortable and even scary at times, that distress pales in comparison to the distress they caused themselves while pursuing the unattainable illusion of control.

I am not suggesting that everyone who wants to be in control has OCD; that was simply an illustration of how the desire to control causes us distress. What I am saying is this. It is ok to acknowledge that there are some things over which we have no control because the acceptance of that truth is very freeing. Rather than spending all of your mental energy chasing the control that you never really had in the first place, you can direct that energy into living your life to the fullest. Instead of seeking control, seek joy. Instead of using rituals to give yourself a sense of security, try praying and asking God to take your burden. There were so many events in my life that showed me how letting go of the things over which I had no control and placing them into God’s hands gave me a peace that allowed me to press forward. If this topic resonated with you, I pose this challenge. Let go of your illusion of control. Realize that there are limits to what you can control. Accept this truth and realize that a good outcome doesn’t solely rest upon your shoulders alone. Free yourself and find peace. Don’t fall victim to the great human illusion. Trust and live your life. God bless!