Super Bowl Fever

It has been quite a football season. For the first time in the organization's history, the Philadelphia Eagles won the Super Bowl. Although we are Steelers fans in our house, we caught the Eagles fever along with all of the other Philadelphia and South Jersey fans. As the Eagles powered their way through the season, right up to the Super Bowl, I started to notice something really great. People from all walks of life, backgrounds, status, all joined in unity because of their love for their home team. The fact that the Eagles were considered to be the underdog this year really added to the excitement.

It was truly remarkable to see so many people who may never have had anything in common high five one another, shake hands with one another and even hug one another. I witnessed people coming together in prayer for the Eagles. Now, I realize that some people may find this to be a frivolous thing about which to pray, but I do not. I believe that God cares about what we care about, the big things and even the little things. God wants unity among His children and I truly believe that if it takes a sports team to bring His people together, than so be it!

So, I started thinking about this feeling of unity and brotherly (and sisterly) love that resulted from supporting our Eagles. Suddenly, whatever differences people may have had, no longer mattered. People focused only on the main thing that drew us together. The spirit of comradery and fellowship made people forget about that which divides and they focused on the united desire to see the Eagles victorious. If I can name one positive thing that sports brings, I would have to say that spirit of unity in a common goal.

So I asked myself, why does it take a game for people to let go of prejudices and animosity? Can't we as a people focus on that which unites us all the time? There will always be differences among people and that does not have to be a bad thing. It certainly does not have to make one person hate another. Instead of focusing on that which makes us different, why can't we make an effort to look for the things with which we have in common? If we would all learn to do that, I believe there would be much better communication, less strife in the world, and more meaningful relationships to be had.

So, I pose this challenge. In the spirit of comradery and sportsmanship, I challenge all of us to keep the Super Bowl fever going. Let's continue to enjoy our shared passions and allow our differences to fade into the backgrounds of our daily lives. Translate this fever to other aspects of your lives. When you encounter someone whom you would have normally ignored, because you assumed that person was too different from yourself, try striking up a conversation. See what commonalities you may have with that person. I would bet there are at least a few. Folks, the only way we can begin to heal the rift between people is to stop hating because of differences. Let us try to find our shared values and focus on those. So much more can be accomplished that way. The world would be a better, more peaceful place that way. I know this may sound simple and trite, but, sometimes, things really are simpler than we make them out to be. So catch the Super Bowl fever! God bless!  

Feast of Dedication

 

 

Tonight at sundown, the Jewish people will begin their celebration of Chanukah, also known as the Feast of Dedication or the Festival of Lights. It commemorates the story of how the Maccabees, led by Judah and his brothers, fought against the oppression of Antiochus IV in the land of Israel, which, at that time, was under Roman rule. The word “Maccabee” is an acronym of the Hebrew words, “Mi Kamocha Ba’eillim HaShem,” which means, “Who is like you O God?” (Chabad.org).

Under the oppressive reign of Antiochus IV, the Jewish people were almost wiped out, along with their religious practices and symbols. The Syrians had desecrated the Holy Temple by placing idols of foreign gods within it. All of the items in the Temple treasury had been stolen, including the golden menorahs, or lampstands, and the altar was destroyed. Judah and the Maccabees refused to worship other gods but Adonai and they rose up and fought against the mighty Syrian army, who outnumbered and outmatched the Maccabees. However, the Maccabees were victorious and they reclaimed the Temple, cleared it of all the idols, and rebuilt the altar. They crafted a menorah made of cheaper medal since the golden ones were stolen from the Temple. They had enough oil to burn only one day, but a miracle occurred. The oil burned for 8 days until new oil could be found. The second Temple was then re-dedicated to God. In memory of these events, Jewish teachers of old appointed these eight days as a festival of celebration and thanksgiving to Adonai for watching over His people and giving them a great victory.

Although Chanukah is not considered to be one of the high holy days to the Jewish people, and although it is not mentioned in the Jewish scriptures, it holds significance. It is the story of God’s faithfulness to His children who remained faithful to Him. For me, it is a reminder that I must always remain focused on my Creator and that apart from Him, I can do nothing. I may become complacent, or I may get caught up in the stresses and trials of life, but I must always re-dedicate myself to the One who brought me to such a time as this.

Chanukah is a time of reflection upon what is unclean in our own lives. It reminds us to examine what idols we may be putting before God, whether those idols are money, other people, success, popularity, or even religion itself. Sometimes, people get so fixated on the rituals or the leaders within a congregation, or they forget that a place of worship is not a social club, and they forget the whole reason they were there in the first place-God. If we allow the things of life to distract us from what really matters in life-God, His love for us, our family, our friends and the love we show other people-then we find ourselves in a place of unhappiness, constantly chasing elusive and temporary material things and never achieving fulfillment. That is not the life I want. As it says in Joshua 24:15, “As for me and my household, we will serve Adonai!”

So, as sundown approaches and Chanukah begins, whether you celebrate it or not, whether you believe in a higher power or not, I challenge you to examine your life. Consider what unclean things need to be cleared out of your lives. Consider the things that you have made into idols and ask yourselves whether they truly make you happy. If the answer is no, then make a decision to re-dedicate yourselves to something better. Create a life worth living and conquer that which oppresses you! The Maccabees did and so can you! God bless!

The Years the Locusts Ate

In Joel 2:25, Adonai promises that He will restore all that was destroyed in Israel. He promised to build Israel back up and He promised that they would never again be shamed. His only condition was that they turn from their wickedness and seek after Him once again. He promised them abundant life and that He would dwell among them. They would be His people and He their God. They would regain what they had lost and so much more. What a beautiful promise that was.

When we go through trying times and we feel as if our pain may never end, it can feel like the years the locusts ate. We may feel as if we have lost so much of our lives, or wasted it, and then we feel the pain from the grief of those losses. When we watch someone we love go through this, it is equally as painful. The locusts spread to our lives too, because it is very difficult to be happy and enjoy our own lives when someone we love so much is suffering. It is difficult to enjoy the good things that happen, because we want good things to happen to the person we love. We want that person to have all the joy and happiness in life that they can possibly have and when you do not see that happening for that person, it is hard to feel joy ourselves.

For me, the locusts have devoured much for someone I love. This person is finding it hard to hope, because she has not felt hope, or joy, in a very long time. This passage in Joel gives me encouragement though. Rather than thinking about that which the locusts ate, I look forward to the restoration coming. I know that God has a purpose for this person I love. She is special, so very special. He loves her with an everlasting love, more than I could ever love her and I love her more than life itself. So in her struggle and as we grieve for the years the locusts ate, God is working on us both.

In this painful time, God is teaching me patience and He is showing me how He wants us to wait on Him. He knows what each of us needs in order to become the people He wants us to be. Sometimes, becoming the best versions of ourselves requires trials. Trials refine us as fire refines silver. Just as the fire burns away all of the impurities in the metal, so do the trials we face in life, because those trials force us to learn and grow. I claim in advance that God is doing this work in the one I love and He will bring that work to its completion.

I thank the Lord in advance that He will restore the years the locusts ate. He will give back and rebuild the one I love. She will prosper and she will grow and thrive. She will be a testimony of God’s great wisdom and mercy. She will be a model for God’s love. This time of famine and drought is preparing her for the work she has yet to do. She will be a mighty woman of God! Yes, I claim this. My hope is in the Lord and I thank Him that all of this will be done. I will not allow the locusts to steal anymore from us, because I know God will give back what we have lost and much more. He is our God and we are His children.

If you feel grief stricken because of the years the locusts ate in your life, please know that God is able to restore you and rebuild your life. Allow His presence in your life. His love is everlasting and overflowing for you. He wants to see you live abundantly in joy and peace. Whatever it is that you are going through, please know it will all turn for your good if you allow yourself to be refined like silver. This pain is only temporary. Your joy is coming. Believe it! Claim it! I claim it for you. I will stand in the gap for you until you can claim it yourself. May God abundantly bless you and keep you.

Dare to Hope

There is a very important person in my life who is struggling emotionally. One of her problems is that she is afraid to let herself hope, because the thought of being disappointed is more than she can bear. She is so afraid of failure that she will not even allow herself to try. She basically thinks about all the "what if's" and she thinks herself right into a state of paralysis. I cannot express how difficult and heart-wrenching it is for me to watch helplessly and not be able to really help her. I realize that I must let go, let her go through her process and allow God to do His work in her life. I told her that even if she cannot seem to find a way to hope, I will hope enough for the both of us.

There are so many people who struggle with this chronic pessimism and fear. Hope is so elusive because, in their minds, things do not seem to work out for them. What they fail to realize is they have a negative filter through which they are viewing their lives. When you do not allow yourself to see the good, you will not see it, no matter what others tell you. Those with this negative filter keep themselves imprisoned in a constant state of fear, depression, anxiety, sadness, loneliness, and hopelessness. If this resonates with you, please believe me when I tell you that freedom exists and hope is the key to that freedom.

So now you may be asking, "how do I find this hope?" The first step is to allow yourself to dare to hope, in spite of your fears. Once you make the decision, and yes, it is a decision, then you must act. It takes effort to change the way you think and view the world. Changing your negative filter to a positive, more optimistic one takes courage and work, but it is worth it. Let us look at it this way. Right now, you are depressed, sad and lonely. Does it not take up every bit of your emotional energy to live this way? If you have been able to withstand the pain of inaction, surely you can dare to hope and risk disappointment.

If you cannot seem to muster up the hope in your own strength, there is good news. You can look to your Creator to find it. As it says in Lamentations 3:21-23, "But in my mind I keep returning to something, something that gives me hope-that the grace of Adonai is not exhausted, that His compassion has not ended. On the contrary, they are new every morning!" Please let that register with you. His mercy is new EVERY MORNING! That means that every day, you have a fresh start afforded to you. You have another day to learn and grow. If you fail or are disappointed one day, you have a do-over the very next day!

If you take nothing else from this blog post, please grab hold of this. You need not fear failure. Failure is simply another opportunity to learn. Then , the next day, you have another chance to implement what you have learned. You need not fear disappointment. Disappointments are only temporary, but remember, God's mercies are PERMANENT! It is my hope and prayer that those who are suffering in the prisons of their fear learn that God will never leave them or forsake them and He will lift their heads up high (Psalm 3:3) when they cannot find it in their strength to dare to hope. He is our hope when we feel hope is absent. Today, right now, I challenge you-DARE TO HOPE! God bless!

Come Meet Me in the Gray!

In cognitive therapy, we address a person’s faulty thinking patterns. Faulty thinking can lead to distress. One type of faulty thinking patter is called “dichotomous thinking” or “black and white thinking.” This type of thinking leads one to think in one extreme or the other. It is an “all or nothing” mentality in which gray areas simply do not and can not exist. These types of thinkers have very rigid and inflexible perceptions and ways of viewing the world. They think in absolute terms. People who think in this way often find themselves in a perpetual state of distress.

It seems extreme thinkers are often the cause of conflict and strife. We can see examples of these types of people in our social media conversations. I know I have experienced people who have berated me because I would not agree with their extreme positions 100%. For me, objectivity is paramount. I am able to see the gray areas of various situations, but extreme thinkers cannot join me in the gray areas. Rather than simply agreeing to disagree, extreme thinkers like this tend to react with extreme anger. Unfortunately, they carry this anger around with them and are often easily triggered.

Perceiving through an absolute lens makes life very difficult, because conflict can be found in even the most common situations. I worked with a client, whom I will refer to as Donna. Donna constantly walked around in a state of “righteous” anger. She was very unforgiving and managed to alienate a lot of her family members as a result.  She was an extreme thinker who thought in very morally absolute terms. When those in her life did not live up to her moral absolutes, she would create a conflict with them and then cut them out of her life.

Our work together involved restructuring her thinking in a way that allowed for “gray areas.” She slowly learned that no one is all good or all bad (good and bad being subjective terms, of course). She slowly understood that one can be simultaneously “good” and “bad”. Our tedious work together also involved her understanding that her definitions of “good” and “bad” were not necessarily absolute and that what she saw as moral or good, others may see differently, but that did not make them wrong or immoral. She finally learned that in the gray area, or the middle ground, was peace and harmony. In the gray area, she could accept that when those in her life disagreed with her, they were not necessarily bad people who were unworthy of her time and effort. She learned to love them while agreeing to disagree. She learned to accept them for who they were and love even the parts of them that did not line up with her moral absolutes.

Does Donna’s story resonate with you? Would you consider yourself to be a black and white thinker? If you are not sure, consider these questions. Do you feel angry much of the time? Do you find that you cannot have a debate or disagreement with someone without becoming angry? Are you quick to cut people out of your life? Do you find that you are frequently in conflict with others, whether they are family, colleagues, co-workers or acquaintances? Is it difficult for you to consider that you may be wrong at times? Is it difficult for you to see things from another’s perspective? If you have answered yes to even a few of these questions, you may need to accept the fact that you are a black and white thinker.

There is nothing wrong with living by moral codes. There is nothing wrong with having a set of ethics and values and not wanting to deviate from those. However, the trouble comes when you think that your view of the world is the only correct view there is. Your experiences may have defined your view of the world, but other people have had different experiences and their views are every bit as valid as you believe yours to be. It is not about who is right or who is wrong. It is about realizing that people have different perspectives. Peace and harmony can be achieved only when we are willing to find the middle ground and co-exist in the gray areas of life. Nothing is really absolute; that is a distorted view of reality. There are always different ways of viewing things. Once you can accept this, then you will free yourself from the rigidity that may now hold you captive. So, will you meet me in the gray? God bless!

Finding Your Purpose: You ARE Worthy!

I see so many people struggling. After all, I would not have a private practice if people did not struggle. A common theme I see among those who suffer with depression is the belief that they have no purpose in this life. They feel useless, worthless and without hope.


I am here to tell whomever is reading this that every person has a purpose in this life! One of my favorite scriptures is Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know what plans I have in mind for you,’ says Adonai,‘plans for well-being, not for bad things; so that you can have hope and a future.'" That is so encouraging to me and I rest in that promise. You can too. God created us all, each of us, so lovingly and uniquely. Once you know who you are in Him and how precious you are in His sight, there is no way you can feel worthless.


It is time to start changing the messages that you tell yourself in your mind. It is time to gain control of your thoughts. When I describe uncontrolled thoughts, I like to use the analogy of the wild horse. When you allow your thoughts to continually run those negative and self-deprecating messages, it is like a wild horse that has taken off, with you being dragged behind as you tenuously grasp the reins. You need to take control of that horse. Get in that saddle and grab those reins with confidence. Teach that horse to ride the way you want it to ride. In other words, you can stop that negative thought cycle and replace the messages with positive, self-affirming thoughts.


I am not talking about simply giving yourself a pep talk. I am talking about grounding your thoughts in reality and reframing the way you think. We tell ourselves lies, lies about the way we look, lies about how people see us, lies about our contributions to this life. It is so easy to focus on all of the negatives. We dwell in past mistakes and day dream about what we could have done differently. We look in the mirror and focus in on all of our flaws, real or imagined. When someone behaves in a hurtful way, we personalize their behavior, as if it has something to do with us.


If you allow your thoughts to control you and your emotions, you are destined for depression. It is time to put on an attitude of gratefulness and start looking for the blessings in your life. Even if you have not yet found your purpose, do not despair. We can all contribute. I truly believe that all of our experiences, the good, the bad and the ugly, make us who we are. If we allow ourselves to learn from our mistakes, then we gain wisdom. We then take that wisdom and use it to help others through their struggles. To me, that is one of the most important purposes for which God put us on this earth. That is a purpose we all share.


Today, right now, I challenge you to put on a new attitude of gratitude. Start telling yourself "I am worthy!". Stop lamenting about a past that is gone, learn from your mistakes and then go and help others. Take the reins of that wild horse and get it under control. Instead of focusing on your flaws, tell yourself how kind you are. Thank God that you have a healthy body to do good things. Remind yourself that when someone acts in a hurtful way, they are responsible for their own behavior, not you. Start changing the messages and I promise you that your mood will improve. The more it does, the more you will realize your worth. Once you realize your worth, your purpose will make itself known to you. You are worthy! Now have a blessed day!

Know your W.O.R.T.H. (Women, Overcoming, Rotten, Thinking, Hallelujah) in GOD!

It's my pity party and I'll cry if I want to!

I have suffered with chronic pain issues most of my adult life. In 1997, I was in a major car accident that caused nerve damage, bone spurs and osteoarthritis in my neck. In 2000, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, which causes me pain and fatigue. I have learned to live with these things without the use of pain medication. In the first place, I work too much and I cannot afford to be dopey from pain medication. In the second place, I could not take it even if I wanted to, because the meds cause me to become very nauseated. So I deal with it through various things, such as icing, exercise and hubby's massages. Recently, I developed rheumatoid arthritis in my hands. It came on fairly suddenly. Truth be told, that pushed me over the edge and set me off into a major pity party.

About a week after the major symptoms of pain and finger swelling hit me, I had a massive meltdown, a full-fledged pity party of gigantic proportions. I wallowed in self-pity, crying and asking why is this happening to me and declaring that I was too young to have to be dealing with this. That was on a Sunday. On the following Monday after I returned to work at the cancer center, I realized the pity party must end, I repented to God for my temporary questioning of His purpose in my life, and I thanked Him for my many blessings. I realized, yes my hands hurt and my fingers are a little bigger than they were, but they still work. Heck, I still have my hands. I also reminded myself that I have always had a high pain tolerance and otherwise, I am extremely fit and healthy. I knew I could handle it and that God would continue to be my Rock and my strength.

Just yesterday, my coworker and I were talking about this. She is a cancer survivor herself. When I said to her, "Even though I wake up every morning in pain and can barely move my fingers, eventually I can and my hands still work." She added, "and you wake up every morning." Coming from her, the meaning of that statement was very deep, because she very nearly did not have the chance to continue to wake up every morning.

Some of the patients with whom I work have very few mornings to wake left. Just yesterday, I sat with the sister of a patient who has stage 4 lung cancer that has spread to her brain. We were discussing the best means of transportation, as she can no longer walk. I see, almost daily, once vibrant people slowly decaying from the inside out, not just physically, but also emotionally and spiritually. Those reminders keep me from staying in my pity party for too long.

So, what is the point of this blog post, you may be asking. I would like to convey the following. We are human. We are always going to have a reaction to bad things that happen to us. That is normal. We are allowed to feel angry, sad, or scared when we are dealing with adverse events. It would be weird if we did not. We have to make room for processing these emotions, because ignoring them or suppressing them do not make them go away. Doing either only creates more problems, because emotions find their way out some how and not always in the best ways if they are not dealt with directly. So, even though I repented for my pity party, I know God has forgiven me and He also knows that we humans are imperfect beings. We both have gotten over my little meltdown.

I also want to convey that although it is necessary to allow yourself your pity party, it is equally important to not stay in the pity party for too long. It is far too easy to cross the line from the normal processing of negative emotions to becoming stuck in the negativity. There will always be trials and tribulations. That is one of the things we can all pretty much count on in life, but there will also be blessings, lots and lots of blessings. These blessings can easily be missed if you remain at your pity party too long. I would have missed the blessing of still having my awesome coworker around had I chosen to prolong my pity party. If you find that you cannot leave the pity party on your own, please seek the help of a trained professional to guide you out of it. Just remember, without pain, we may not ever know the joy and blessings we have or will have. Pain is a great teacher and character builder, if we allow ourselves to emerge from the pity party. So cry if you want to, but not for too long! God bless!