What Is Normal Anyway?

“Is this normal?” I wish I had a dollar for every time clients have asked me that very question. I will be completely honest with you; I have given up trying to figure out what “normal” is. I have learned that normal can be different for everyone. Quite frankly, I wish people would stop striving for “normal”. Whatever the situation with which you struggle, “normal” need not be your goal.

Ask yourself whether you are content, whether you are happy with the way things are, or be honest if something in your life is not working for you.  If you are not where you would like to be in your life, then make a plan to change your circumstances.  If you need assistance in creating an action plan, then do not be afraid to seek that help.

 Help can come in many forms. You can seek the wisdom and guidance of God through prayer and reading His word. Scripture has a lot to say about how we should view ourselves. Time and time again, God shows us that we should not view things through worldly eyes, but strive to see ourselves and each other the way He does. The Hebrew people were told that they not only should not be “normal”, but they were chosen by God to be set apart to be Holy. For example, in Deuteronomy 7:6 it says, “For you are a people set apart as holy for Adonai your God. Adonai your God has chosen you out of all the peoples on the face of the Earth to be His own unique treasure.” How beautiful is that? I guarantee that our idea of “normal” is nothing God would want for us.

Stop looking to other people and stop comparing yourself to what their “normal” looks like. There is a saying, “comparison is the thief of joy.”  Someone else’s “normal” may not be for you and if you are not what someone else’s perception of “normal” is  it is fine. You are a unique person with unique qualities. You may possess gifts and talents that others do not. God made you the way He wanted you to be. Listen to the Ruach HaKodesh (Holy Spirit) when it says, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect” (Romans 12:2). Again, God is telling us that the world’s idea of “normal” is not where He wants us.

He wants us to transcend the ways of the world and show Him through us. King David was a very revered King. He was loved by his people, but he was far from “normal.” He was a very emotional man and expressed his passions without reservation. He was the writer of the Book of Psalms. In Psalm 1:1, he delights in not being normal. He knows his ways should be guided by the Most High, “How blessed are those who reject the advice of the wicked, don’t stand on the way of sinners or sit where scoffers sit!” Do not define yourself by other people’s standards of “normal.” Fix your sights higher. You are a unique creation who was made for a purpose. Even if you may not know that purpose yet, you are still worthy of happiness and joy.

If you believe that you need more guidance, then it is ok to seek the help of a professional. There may be lots of reasons you have not accomplished the things you want to accomplish. Please do not assume there is something wrong with you if you have not. I have a client who decided to withdraw from college for a semester because she was having severe anxiety and depression issues. She came home, came to therapy and, eventually, she felt strong enough to go back to school. She actually did quite well in spite of the fact that she had so many obstacles. Still, she realized that her friends had all finished college and were working towards their careers. She lamented about how she is not normal, how everyone else her age was moving forward with their lives. She completely failed to give herself the credit to know that she needed to take some time to build herself up and that choosing to withdraw was actually a very intelligent and insightful decision. She may not be “normal”, but she is quite awesome!

So people, here today, right now, I challenge you to change your thinking about what “normal” is. Please, stop torturing yourself by trying to figure out how to be other people’s idea of “normal.” Instead, figure out what you need to do to have joy. That is what God wants for us. If we fix our eyes on Him, we can have an abundance of joy, “For Adonai, what you do makes me happy; I take joy in what your hands have made” (Psalm 92:4). You do not need to be acceptable in the sight of mere humans. All that matters is who we are to Him who made us. We were not made by Him to blend into the world. We were made to be a light to a dark world. Let your light shine forth and stop worrying about being normal! What is normal anyway? God bless.

Know your W.O.R.T.H. (Women, Overcoming, Rotten, Thinking, Hallelujah) in GOD!