Don't Wait Until It Is Too Late

I do not like to dwell in regret and I truly believe that, for the most part, regret serves no purpose. However, I admit that I do have a few. One of those regrets concerns my friend Jen. I have written about her before. Jen and I met when we were both counselors at a summer camp. Before we got to know each other, we both were secretly envious of the other. Jen was just one of those cool, fun people that you wanted as your friend. I did not think she would give me the time of day and, little did I know, she was thinking the same about me. Thankfully, we both broke through whatever assumptions we had and we became friends.

We grew very close and stayed friends all through college. She was even a bridesmaid in my wedding. Sadly, as time went on, we slowly lost touch with one another. I was wrapped up in marriage and working and she was doing her single girl thing. We caught up a few years after I got married. She was living in Hoboken, NJ and working in NY. It was great catching up with her and I was so happy for her because she was really doing fabulously, as I knew she would be, but, again, we lost touch. Then not too long ago, I was thinking about her and I decided to search for her on Facebook, but I could not find her. I then sent a message to her step sister, who was an old friend from junior high school, and I asked how Jen was doing. It was almost as if I was punched in the gut when she told me that Jen died from colon cancer back in 2005. She said that it was a horrible tragedy because up until the day she went into the ER with severe abdominal pain, she had no symptoms. Jen and her husband were so happy and were planning to start a family. Then she went to the ER and was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer.  The disease moved rapidly and Jen lost her battle.

I regret that I waited so long to get back in touch with Jen. I missed out on several years of having an amazing friend. We lost touch, not because we had a falling out, but simply because life had taken us in different directions. Over the years, I had always thought about her and I wondered what she was doing. I smiled as I remembered the fun and hysterical times we shared together. I always thought, “I know we will eventually get back in touch. There is plenty of time.” Well, turns out, there was not. Oh how I wish I had reached out to her sooner, much sooner, but I was just too late.

Folks, I share this story with you because I want this to be a reminder that time is fleeting and it is a fickle friend. I thought I had all the time in the world to catch up with Jen. Jen thought she had all the time in the world to have a baby. We all think we have all the time in the world to do this or that. Let this be a lesson to all of us that we may not. It says in Psalm 90:12, “So teach us to count our days, so that we will become wise.” Complacency is a funny thing. We human beings are the only living things that are cognizant of our mortality, yet we walk about in a perpetual state of denial about it. I suppose we have to be in order to function, but the negative side of that is the complacency keeps us from embracing the important parts of life. Time is something we think we have plenty of, but as Jen reminds us, we do not necessarily have the amount we think we have. That alone should make us wise enough to realize that we should do the things we want to do before it is too late, like re-connect with old friends, mend rifts in relationships, and tell those whom we love how much we love them and what they mean to us.

As my mother always says, no one is promised tomorrow. Please do not take this message as something negative. My hope is that, if you have read this post in its entirety, then you will walk away with a renewed sense of purpose. Seize the day. Live life to its fullest. Love those whom you love with all your might. Let go of anger, resentment, and grudges. Embrace today and seek its joy with fervor.  I know that if Jen were still here, that is exactly what she would be doing. God bless!

Mantras + Scripture = Positivity

So, is anyone on Pinterest? I love that website. It is a great way to save websites that interest you. I have several boards that hold recipes, do it yourself ideas, positive sayings, spiritual encouragement, and the list goes on. I came across a pin that was entitled, “4 Daily Mantras For Avoiding Negativity” by Angie Sarhan (retrieved from sivanaeast.com). I am all about staying positive and I truly believe in the power of words, so I frequently encourage my clients and patients to use positive mantras to replace the negative thoughts that lead to depression and anxiety.

I do like the mantras Ms. Sarhan used; however, for me personally, I find that Scripture is more powerful than anything a person can produce. So I decided to use Ms. Sarhan’s mantras as a starting point and I decided to add to them scriptures with similar messages. Giving credit to Ms. Sarhan, I would like to build on what she wrote. The following are 4 mantras and complimentary Scriptures to help us avoid negativity:

1) From Sarhan: “My day brings me abundant happiness.”

    From Psalm 28:7: “Adonai is my strength and shield; in Him my heart trusted, and I have been

                                 Helped. Therefore, my heart is filled with joy, and I will sing praises to

                                Him.”

If we start our day with a positive frame of mind, we set the tone for the entire day and we also may influence others in a positive way. It is possible to be positive even in the midst of difficult circumstances. Although Sarhan’s words are positive and probably very helpful, sometimes words alone are not enough. Sometimes, we just cannot accomplish things in our own strength. As for me, the Lord is my strength when I am weak; I need Him. So, since the Lord inhabits the praises of His people (Psalm 22:3), I will praise Him in my distress and that always lifts me up.

2) From Sarhan: “I am protected in all ways.”

    From Deuteronomy 31:6: “Be strong, be bold, don’t be afraid or frightened of them,

                                                for  Adonai your God is going with you. He will neither fail you

           nor abandon you”

Sarhan speaks about warding off negativity by feeling as if you are protected. She visualizes herself in a bubble that shields her from other people’s negativity. This is a pleasant thought, but visualizing alone does not do the job. It is the Lord my God who protects me. He goes before me and fights my battles for me! If God is for me, who can be against me? That is all the protection I need. I walk in faith and I feel secure.

3) From Sarhan: “I bring joy to everyone I meet. I manifest positive encounters.”

    From Psalm 51:12-13: “Restore my joy in your salvation, and let a willing spirit uphold me.
                                                         Then I will teach the wicked your ways, and sinners will return to you.”

I firmly believe in leading by example and being the change you wish to see in the world around you. We absolutely affect each other as we all walk through this life. I am a very empathic person and I can physically feel when someone is hurting, either mentally or physically. I feel heaviness in my heart. When a person walks into a room, I can sense immediately whether that person is happy or sad, calm or anxious, and whether he or she has good intensions or is deceitful. That is a gift that God gave me and that is what makes me so good at what I do. I also know that I can affect other people in much the same way. Since I always want to be a willing vessel for my Creator, I always want to show Him through me, through my deeds, actions and words. His Spirit shining through me creates a safe zone for all of those in my presence. I strive to show the love that God has for all of us.

4) From Sarhan: “I end my day in peace and harmony. I release what does not serve my highest

                            good.”

    From Psalm 37:37: “Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and go after it!”

We all want peace in our lives. As Sarhan says, we need to decide to let go of the things that poison our souls. I can quote Scripture after Scripture that teaches us to forgive, release anger, love one another, and so on, but Psalm 37:37 is brief and to the point. It is a reminder that we must actively go after peace, especially when things around us get too chaotic. We have no control over the chaos sometimes and we may also feel that we have no control over our thoughts, but if we focus in on what God says, He gives us a peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7) and He leaves us with His peace through the Ruach HaKodesh (the Holy Spirit), which is not of this world (John 14:27).

I would like to thank Angie Sarhan for her positivity and for sharing her gentle spirit. I just believe in my soul that in addition to the sentiments of human beings, we need the confirmation of God’s word so that we know we are walking down the right path. If things do not line up with what God says, I feel it in my spirit and it just does not sit right with me. I always say, in the center of God’s will is where I want to be. If I stay there, I know I will be happy, I will be protected, I will show His love through me, and I will have abundant peace. I wish all who are reading this happiness, protection, positivity and abundant peace. God bless!

Home is Where You Hang Your Hat...and Heart

They say that when you dream of home, it is always the home in which you were raised. For me, that is definitely true. I am 44 years old, I have been married for 22 years and we have 18 year old twins, yet, when I dream, I often find myself right back in my childhood bedroom. I can still see the pale yellow walls, the yellow curtains, and my white furniture. I can still remember how hot it used to get in the summer and how cold it was in the winter. It was a small room, but it was mine. My dad has since made it into a computer/train room, but whenever I am at the house, the days in my room feel like yesterday. The whole house is like a part of the family. My parents still live there. I cannot even imagine for one second driving by the house without it being a part of my family; I do not want to think about it.

About 2 or so years ago, I had as a client an 18 year old, whom I will refer to as Rebecca, who suffered with tremendous anxiety and panic attacks. Her parents divorced when she was a younger child. She, her mother and brother moved into a town house. Her father quickly remarried a woman who already had a child. She did not realize it at first, but she was suffering with feelings of grief over, not only her parents’ marriage, but also her childhood home. As we peeled back the layers in therapy, she came to realize a big source of her anxiety was the feeling that she had no roots, no anchor, no place where she felt she could call her home.

Once she made that realization, I helped her to reframe the meaning she gave to “home.” It was through that work with Rebecca that I too realized what home really means. The house I grew up in is my home because my parents made it a wonderful place of love, family, friends, celebrations, laughter, tears and so many memories I cannot even count. That home is the place where my siblings and I can catch up with each other with our parents. The house itself is not the anchor; the anchor is my family.

In my adult life, my husband and I have moved more times than I care to say and for various reasons. The house we lived in the longest caused us the biggest aggravation. It was an old house and there was one problem after another, sort of like the movie “The Money Pit”, only it was not funny! Yet, that was my children’s childhood home. For me, whenever my husband and kids are with me, I am at home. As long as I focus on God and the love I have for my family, where we happen to reside is inconsequential. It says in Psalm 127:1, “Unless Adonai builds the house, its builders work in vain.” In other words, unless we recognize what is important and that we are where God wants us to be, we can live in a magnificent abode and still feel unhappy.

Rebecca realized her main anchor was her little family. Her mother was her rock and her goofy brother made her feel safe and comfortable. The house in which her father and new step sister and mother live lessened in importance to her as she realized her town house was her home, because her mom and brother were there. This freed her to let go of the anger and resentment she felt towards her father, step-mother and sister. It freed her to go off to college feeling more secure, because her roots were not in a physical building, but in the family that loves her. Although we never discussed her spiritual beliefs in therapy, I know for certain that God loves her too and He will lead her to where she needs to go.

My parents provided me with a good foundation and it is because of them, and my Creator, that I am the person I am today. They are my home. My husband is my home. My children are my home. The message I would like to leave you with is this. Do not put value on things that are temporary and made by the hands of people. Put your energy and focus on the people in your life whom you love and treasure. That is what really matters. God bless!