If you are currently in therapy, have ever been in
therapy, or you are thinking about going to therapy, you have probably wondered
what goes on in the mind of the therapist. I thought I would de-mystify this
for you and let you in on some things. We therapists are human. We come with
our own experiences, personalities and, yes, even baggage.
Now, optimally, we should have our baggage well
managed before we see our first client. It was drilled into me in graduate
school that before we even think of starting a practice, every therapist should
go through therapy himself or herself, because it is inevitable that there is
probably something that needs to be dealt with intrapersonally. If someone does
not get a handle on his or her issues, then he or she is in danger of what Sigmund
Freud referred to as countertransference. In a nutshell, this simply means that
the therapist transfers unresolved emotions onto his or her client. For
example, a therapist may have been abused by her father and then has a male
client who reminds her of her father. If she has not dealt with her hurt and/or
anger towards her father, she may transfer negative emotions to her client and
damage the therapeutic relationship.
I am confident in saying that I have done a lot of
introspective work on myself and, yes, I have been through therapy. When I
started my practice, I resolved to be the type of therapist that I would want
and given the feedback I receive from clients, I seem to be succeeding in that
goal, but I digress. I am very self aware and when a client evokes unpleasant
emotions within me, I process those emotions and try to identify their origin.
Sometimes it stems from emotional baggage of mine, but not always. In the book
The Gift of Therapy, by Irvin Yalom, he teaches that we as therapists need to
pay attention to our own emotions evoked by our clients, because they provide
us a lot of information about the client. For example, I had a client who made
me feel so frustrated. Each session, he brought the same issues and we would
develop a plan of action with specific attainable goals that he would agree to
accomplish. However, time and time again, he failed to follow through and the
cycle would repeat. I realized that he probably makes the people in his life
feel the way I was feeling and that helped me to help him understand why his
family often would avoid him.
So the preceding was a glimpse into what therapists
deal with professionally, now I would like to share the more personal side of
being a therapist. Remember, I said we are human? Here is my humanness for you
to see. Even though I have had my practice for a few years now, I still get a
little bit of butterflies in my stomach when I meet a new client. Questions run
through my mind like, “will he trust me?” or “can I help her?” Then I do my
usual self-talk and the rest is usually pretty smooth.
Here is another tid bit about me. My super power is
being an empath. Basically, not only does it come easily for me to identify
what a person is feeling, I sometimes actually feel what the client is feeling.
I can either sense an energy emanating from the person, or I actually feel a
strong wave of the emotion myself. In my personal life, I always quote the line
from the movie Steel Magnolias when Truvy says, “No one cries alone in my
presence.” If someone cries in front of me, I almost always tear up myself. I
cannot tell you how hard it is for me not to cry with my clients when they cry.
Most of the time I can control it, but, truth be told, I have let tears slip a few
times. The job of a therapist, among other things, is to be a container for our
clients’ pain. We must sit with them in their distress and provide a safe place
for them to do so. The downside to being that container for me is that
sometimes, even after the session ends, I am still filled with the pain my
client shared with me and I need to find a healthy way to empty it. Many an
evening, I have cried in the car on the way home to release the emotions and
then I was fine. You would think this would eventually wear me down, but,
surprisingly, it does not. I feel blessed to have been a part of someone’s
healing.
I have colleagues with whom I process these various
issues and I belong to several therapists groups, so we help each other and
support each other. Each client teaches us and helps us to grow as therapists
and as human beings. I would love to share a quote from one of my colleagues
who helped me process some sadness I was feeling over a client’s situation. His
name is Daniel and this is what he said, “This kind of growth for us as
clinicians is always available, and is also one of the rewards of being in the
room and doing what we do. And so we can breathe, reflect, and remember who we
are with gratitude for the opportunity.” I could not have said it any better.
In my heart and soul, I believe that God leads us to where we are supposed to
be and He equips us for the purpose He has for us. I am both humbled and
honored that He has led me to the work I do, I am grateful that He has equipped
me well, and I am blessed beyond measure to be doing what I do. So, now you
know what goes on in my office. God bless.
